Vying for Another Championship (Teaching Communication)

(Tim Hughes – At Your Name Forever)

I have been coaching basketball at my children’s home since fall of 2007 and next week will be my seventh time coaching our team at the annual Seoul orphanage basketball tournament. After many years of being runner up we were finally able to pull through last year and win the championship, the first time my home had ever done that. Because all my boys from last year returned the expectations are very high for another trophy. The tournament will be held a week from Saturday (October 5th) so it is crunch time right now. Instead of once a week, I am coaching them every weeknight, even if it is really late.

Last night was a clear example of how, as a coach/leader of the team, I have to be good at not only communicating things clearly to them but also teaching them how to communicate things clearly to me. Practice was scheduled to begin at 8:30pm. Because my English classes go until 8:45pm, I told them to warm up without me and that I would join them as soon as possible. But when I came out last night I found only half of the team milling around with my two best players missing. The boys told me that one of them (my captain/oldest) was too tired and that they didn’t know where the other boy was but figured he was in his room. This other boy has been slow to come out from time to time and I’ve had to discipline him, but he had been better recently. Needless to say, I wasn’t that pleased with the attitude of any of my kids.

I left the boys to warm up and went to the rooms to find the two missing players. I found the other boy dragging his feet a bit but about to go out the door. I asked him why he was late and he smiled sheepishly and gave me a poor excuse. I calmly lectured him on responsibility and then sent him out. I then found my captain in his bed. He is a senior in high school and is in his last semester, so instead of going to school he goes to work now as a work-study type program. He has to get up at 5am each morning. When I found him he too gave me the sheepish “I’m caught” grin. He told me he told the other boys that he is tired and he has to wake up early.  I had to get on him by explaining clearly (and very strongly) that he is the captain and needs to set an example. He needs to be responsible and talk to me directly, not telling the other boys to tell me. I gave him grace because I knew his job is hard and he would have to wake up early, but I also made it clear how he needs to communicate better with me. He got it.

I then went back outside to find my boys sitting on the ground talking with some other kids and not doing anything basketball related. When I shouted at them to get up some of them got up quickly but a couple of them were a bit slow, causing me to be even more frustrated. I forcefully grabbed the slowest boy and jerked him up, surprising him. I then quickly made them huddle up and I lectured them on their attitudes and what they need to be doing. I laid everything out clearly for them and they all nodded their heads in agreement. I don’t often get upset so they could tell I wasn’t pleased.

I thought things would be fine from then on… but to my surprise they were still pretty sluggish during practice. They had almost no energy and the boy who had been late (my fastest player) was barely moving. I tried to go easy on them but I was a bit miffed at why they weren’t enthusiastic. At the end of practice I huddled them again for closing words and to end our practice in prayer, like we always do. It was then that one of the boys finally spoke up and told me why they had no energy. All weekend they had been training for the soccer tournament (also next week) and they had played soccer for over four hours the night before and gotten home from it at 10:30pm the night before, so they were all exhausted. My boy who was late had injured both his feet and then showed me the nasty cuts/blisters and I was surprised he could even walk on them. Now everything made sense. I wish they had communicated to me about all this sooner!!!

The kids didn’t communicate sooner for a number of reasons. For one, they didn’t expect sympathy because they usually don’t get it from their other teachers/coaches. They aren’t just dealing with me; because I am a leader figure to them they project the faces of all their other leaders onto mine. They think I won’t care or will get angry and be even harder on them, like other leaders (part of the reason they get these harsh responses is because they use whiny voices when they communicate, which elicit no compassion and are another thing I have to teach them not to do). The boys fear any form of rejection or shaming or lecturing, so they would rather avoid me or be late or just grit their teeth and endure. None of that is good! I know that they know I care for them and that I’m different, but they have never been taught how to communicate rightly. Just like we learn to talk as young kids, as we mature we also must be taught to interact in a mature way and to not live in fear of how other people might respond.

I have to teach, and reteach, my kids how to talk right and how to communicate in a healthy way. I also can’t take it personally whenever they have a lapse and treat me with fear/avoidance or with whining or even sharp words. My boys have come a long way from the teams I coached from 2007 – 2011 (all who have graduated). My boys don’t curse or fight or have attitude problems like previous teams. They are good kids who I have been serving for almost eight years now. As I have become better at communicating and teaching them how to communicate, my boys have gotten better and better at responding and acting well. It’s rewarding to see the good fruit, even when there are lapses like last night.

We had practice again tonight and they were much better. Their energy was back and they all practiced well. While we all want another championship next week, it gives me even greater joy to see the boys becoming men and learning how to act right.

Hopefully you’ll see pictures of triumph in two weeks. We shall see. =)