Types of Attraction in Relationships

There are three key areas a person can be attracted to another: the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual. The media has chosen to emphasize the first area more and more. But it needs to be asked: Which of these areas endures over time? And which of the areas can love increase and deepen? 

The truth is, physical attraction is important. But it can’t be the foundation of a relationship. Looks change over time, and they rarely get much better. Stomachs grow (sigh), wrinkles appear, hair changes color or gradually disappears, and the body gradually loses strength. Interestingly, for many of the strongest marriages I know the couples were first drawn to each other in the second and third areas, and then their physical attraction for each other grew and became strong.

The second area is far more key than the first. Emotional attraction usually deepens over time. The ability to connect with someone is crucial in a relationship. The ability to relate to things together can make for a long, sweet relationship. Spouses should enjoy being with the person they marry, and that joy shouldn’t just come from silently looking at the other because he/she is physically attractive. Instead that joy should come in the way they connect together. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman are about ways people connect with each other (words, touch, gifts, service, and quality time), and each of these languages involve emotional connection. Mutual emotional attraction is beautiful because it can continue to deepen by going through life together.

The third area is just as powerful as emotional attraction. Spiritual attraction enables a couple to connect in ways beyond worldly emotions and worldly attraction. God is love and connecting with Him gives us a pure love that is stronger than anything we can contrive on earth. Seeing the beauty in another person’s worship and love for the Lord can create very strong feelings. And as each spouse grows with the Lord more over the years that spiritual attractiveness can continue to grow and deepen. Spiritual attraction can enable the most emotionally broken and hurting people to still see the beauty in each other and continue to love each other and be drawn to one another. Spiritual attraction must be the foundation of the relationship. In the end our physical beauty will fade and our emotions can never be fully controlled, but Christ’s love and His Spirit within us will be constant through everything.

 

Extra Note – Interestingly, the book Song of Solomon (Song of Songs) can be interpreted in three different ways: physically (it’s a raw book, not for the very young), emotionally (see Tommy Nelson’s sermon series Love Song, for example), and spiritually (Mike Bickle, for example). Love is amazing! It’s far more deeper than just the surface.