Stop Being So Defensive

Stop Being So Defensive

Nobody learns from someone who is being defensive.  It’s impossible to never make mistakes in life, so what is important after making a mistake isn’t hiding it or explaining it away, but rather admitting it and learning from it. 

The sad thing is that in many societies there is fear of rejection or shame from failure, so people are taught out of fear to hide their problems or explain them away.  But Scripture says that there is “no fear in love” (1John 4:18).  A truly secure person would know that the love they receive is not based on their works, because if it was then it wouldn’t be love at all.  True love is unconditional.  So even after mistakes, the truly secure person would not have any fear of losing the love they had before the mistakes.  Love is constant… it never fails (1Corinthians 13:8). 

When my kids mess up the last thing I want to hear is their 100 excuses for why they messed up.  What I really want to hear is, “I did this and I am sorry.  I realize now it was wrong and I won’t do it again.”  When they genuinely respond in this way (and I’ve had to teach them and train them in it) I am really blessed.  Their response shows me that not only have they learned what they did was wrong and they don’t want to repeat it, but also that they are secure enough in my love to admit their wrongs.  They no longer fear shame or rejection because of their mistakes. 

So many adults need this lesson too though.  Defensiveness is rooted in fear and pride and needs to be done away with.  A truly secure person isn’t afraid of mistakes.  And the most successful people are those who choose to never slow down from their mistakes but rather to learn from them and become better and better at what they do. 

God bless!