Marriage: How a “Perfect Match” Can Be Both a Lie and a Truth
I absolutely love being married to my wife Sky. We have so much fun together. We are truly a match made in heaven. And it’s when we meditate on that truth that God brought us together and that God is good, our marriage is so strong.
And while we are a match made in heaven, we still live in our physical bodies here on earth. When we act according to our flesh it isn’t pretty and we can unknowingly put unhealthy expectations and burdens on the other. We can act in unloving ways and hurt each other. Matches made in heaven are still imperfect here on earth when we live according to our flesh. In the physical when these imperfections and struggles come up, it can look hopeless, that we might as well give up. That is a big reason why so many couples divorce. They are looking at each other according to the flesh and realizing they are both a mess. But it’s that moment we choose to look at each other through God’s eyes, according to His grace, that we are able to see hope. This hope isn’t based on each other; it’s based on God’s grace working in the other. And that’s when we remember it’s God who brought us together and it’s God who will carry us through. What God has brought together let man not separate (Mark 10:9). We are safe and free because God is working through us. If our expectations are on the Lord then we will be safe and fulfilled. But if our expectations are set on a man or a woman, then we will end up being disappointed.
The greatest marriages are never based on the physical attributes like the world’s standard of beauty. We all have an expiration date. We are all aging. If love and attraction are based mostly on how someone looks, then the love will expire as that person ages. Love is not meant to be circumstantial. Love is not meant to be according to the flesh.
The most beautiful people I have seen would probably not be deemed beautiful according to the current standard of this world. The standard of beauty in this world is always changing and is impossible to fully attain, especially as we continue to age. True beauty is not physical, it is spiritual. It is reflecting Christ. There have been times in my life where I have seen people glowing with the love of God. Such people were usually in a season of deep intimacy and growth with the Lord. Some were going through suffering and persecution but choosing to worship and keep their joy in the Lord. They were truly reflecting Christ, and the glow was visible to me. And they would look far more beautiful than any model I had seen here on earth. In this world, there will always be blemishes. But in the spirit, we are spotless. We are pure. We are truly beautiful, each in our own unique way. It’s when two people can see that true beauty in each other that their love will never die. Even when they are old and wrinkly, their attraction and love will still be strong because it was never based just on physical beauty.
To say, “We are a perfect match” is both a lie and a truth. It’s a lie according to the world. No match of imperfect people can be perfect. No matter how great the attributes of each other are, there will always be differences and areas of lack. But in Christ, there are true perfect matches. When our love is based on His grace and His hope, He is able to fill every imperfection and keep our love and our joy strong.
Those of you who are single should have good expectations for your future spouse. But, your expectations for your spouse should always be a degree less compared to what you will give to your spouse. Your desire and ability to love should always be greater than your desire to receive. And in the end, your contentment must be anchored in the Lord. Matches made in heaven are never perfect here on earth, so don’t fret if not every single expectation is met when you date someone. No person is perfect and so no person will ever be able to fulfill every area of your heart or your soul; otherwise that person would be replacing God. God alone can fulfill our every need!
***Sky and I are now the campus pastors of a new service at our church (Sillim 4pm) so we are preaching a bit more often. Yesterday in my sermon I preached a bit about expectations/fears regarding relationships, including marriage. You can see that sermon below or download it in mp3 form at our church’s website: www.newphilly.cc.
