Healing a Hardened Heart
Becoming jaded, distant, frustrated, or apathetic towards God (or towards someone you love) can be signs of a heart that is growing hard. In marriage counseling, a hardened heart can cause things like becoming critical, feeling contempt, stonewalling (being unresponsive), or flooding (losing control of emotions and becoming overwhelmed by them). Marriage counselors warn that if a heart becomes too hard that divorce is likely right around the corner. Thankfully with God, no matter how hard or distant we might become towards Him, He is still faithful to us (2Timothy 2:13).
A hardened heart towards God can be caused by a number of different things, with the most common causes being disappointment, unbelief, bitterness, and sin. If these four remain unchecked then the heart can grow harder and harder. Many people think a power encounter will solve their hard heart, but they are very mistaken. Pharaoh had many power encounters with God as Moses demonstrated many miracles and plagues in front of him. Yet his heart hardened in response to most of the power encounters. Miracles and power encounters aren’t what changes a heart. It’s a heart that is continually before the Lord that softens and remains soft.
For those struggling with a hard heart it is important to identify any unrepentant sin/unforgiveness/disappointment and bring it before God. It can help to have someone mature to confess these things with. Unforgiveness and sin can block us from experiencing God’s presence. Sometimes people need to express forgiveness to God for their disappointments. It’s not that God sinned against them, but because of their disappointments they put up a wall towards Him that can only come down through them forgiving God and entrusting their disappointments to Him. If it is difficult to repent or to forgive, then it is important to dwell on Jesus’ sacrifice for us and on the good things He has done in your life. Remembering can help ready a heart to turn back towards God.
Hebrews 3:7 – 4:2 has some really good words about handling a hardened heart. The passage warns about having a hardened heart like the Israelites who left Egypt but were unable to inherit the Promised Land. Hebrews 3:19 reads, “So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief.” Unbelief hardens our hearts. The more we dwell on doubt and on godless things, the less we see God. So how do we fight unbelief? We must declare God’s truth. We must find Scripture that speaks into our areas of unbelief and begin declaring them verbally. Even if you struggle to believe the truth, just by declaring it your spirit will be strengthened. And you can pray like the man in Mark 9:24, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Don’t beat yourself up if you have doubt. There always has to be some room for doubt for there to be faith. If there was zero doubt, then there would be no need for faith. So don’t be hard on yourself. Just declare the truth and ask for more faith. And you will inherit God’s promises!
I also want to encourage you to come to God in your own way. Don’t try to approach God in some Christian cookie-cutter type of way. For me I’m a pacer. When I pray I like to be alone in a room and pace back and forth and be real with God as I talk to Him. For my wife, she is a journaler/artist. She feels closest to God when she journals and draws what she is going through and writes to God. Regardless how you approach God, please be real with Him. Share your emotions. He desires relationship with you! Don’t fear other people judging you for how you come to Him. That’s the last thing God would want for you.
Last, here are a few sermons that can also help. Know that no matter how hard a heart may be (whether your own or an unsaved family member/friend), by God’s touch living water can flow out of the hardest rock and end up blessing a multitude of people (Exodus 17:6). Have hope! God is faithful!
Sermon – Drifting from God: https://www.comequicklyministries.org/blog/dt_portfolio/drifting-from-god/.
4 comments:
Hello, I developed this problem of unforgiving heart since 2013, i was pregnant for our first child when I found out my husband was sleeping with his EX and lots of other women. I confronted him 1year late, he admitted and he said he didn’t know it wad going to hurt me, that he will end it but never did. Please how can i forgive someone who is not willing to repent?
Hi Chelsea. Your forgiveness towards him isn’t meant to depend on his response. In Luke 23:34 Jesus said on the Cross, “Father forgive for they know not what they do.” But although we forgive them from our heart, as Jesus did, it does not mean we need to attach ourselves to them. His adultery is grounds for divorce and if he does not repent and change his ways, then you have the right to either separate (and not divorce) and continue to pray for his repentance or to divorce. I always encourage spouses to just separate and continue to pray, but if their heart is too wounded or their spouse is too abusive/dangerous then divorce is understandable.
For someone who has been raped, their forgiveness towards the rapist doesn’t mean what happened was fine or that the rapist should be free from judgment. In the end God will judge that person. And that person, if possible, should also face judgment (punishment) here on earth and be locked up for however long the courts decide. If someone abused someone dear to them I would take them to the courts. I would not want them to do the same to anyone else. They need to be punished. But I would also need to pray and from my heart forgive them for what they have done. Whether they apologize or not, I need to have the same heart as Jesus and forgive.
I hope this helps. Feel free to reply with more questions.
Hi I just wanted to ask if God has already worked a work in your heart and it becomes hardned again is it possible for it to become soft once again? I was born again aug 2016 but didn’t even know what happened as I didn’t know much about Christianity. I didn’t even know we needed a saviour. That’s how out of it I was. I continued in sin after my born again experience. I’m sure it’s when your born again that God gives you a new heart and he did that with me. But if totally ruined it to the point where my faith in God has gone. Is this a point on no return? I know heb 10 26 is a scripture that talks about a point of no return. Faith is what saves and faith is what Satan attacks because faith is dangerous to his kingdom. My faith has gone and I’m certain it’s due to the Holy Spirit leaving and my hardned heart. I’m sure faith is a gift of the Holy Spirit.
Dear Chris,
I do believe that a hardened heart is able to become soft again. Jesus commands us to forgive a brother who has sinned against us 70 times 7, not just once. So there is grace and forgiveness offered to us whenever we repent. I recommend listening to this message: https://www.comequicklyministries.org/blog/dt_portfolio/repentance-vs-remorse/. There is always grace for repentance. Some people just don’t want it though. They say with their lips they want to follow God but their heart is clearly bent on sin. But for those who genuinely desire a shift, God grants us the grace no matter how deep we are in sin. Even a man with a legion of demons within him was able to run to Jesus and experience deliverance. So there is no heart that is too hard or too damaged to be healed by God. I want to encourage you to repent and turn to Jesus, laying down whatever it is that is hardening your heart and choosing to follow Him. Grace over you, Chris. I’m sorry it took 10 months for me to see this and reply.