Discipline vs. Punishment
The contrast between discipline and punishment is just as strong as the contrast between love and fear. Discipline is showing someone what they did was wrong and that they are made to be better. Discipline comes from a heart of love; love that refuses to ignore poor behavior and instead takes the time and effort to make sure the person learns from their wrong. Punishment on the other hand is often intended to make sure the person knows how much they’ve wronged the person inflicting the punishment. Punishment is done from frustration and even hate. Punishment usually transmits the message, “You messed up. Hang your head in shame.” Discipline lovingly transmits the message, “You’re better than this.”
1 John 4:18 reads, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Punishment creates fear. Punishment doesn’t correct behavior, but rather scares people into simply trying not to get caught. Punishment can often create shame, anger, and isolation. There is no love in punishment, only fear. God does not punish His loved ones. God loves us and pours out grace over us.
Hebrews 12:7-8 reads, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.” If you are not disciplined then you are essentially an orphan. This is why the kids at the orphanages often act up, not because they’re bad kids but because they long for healthy attention and discipline. The kids want to know someone cares enough for them to correct their wrongs. When they see an adult just turn and ignore their poor behavior, they feel even more like an orphan and can become desperate and lonely. The runaways tend to the be the kids who weren’t disciplined or who were punished excessively but not in a loving way.
Proverbs 13:24 reads, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Disciplining with rods was common in Korea until just a few years ago. I knew of one orphanage where two dorm parents would use hockey sticks when they disciplined their boys. One dorm parent was a strong Christian who had grown up in an orphanage and dearly loved the kids. The other dorm parent had also grown up in an orphanage but didn’t know the Lord and would have fits of anger. Both were strong with the kids. I noticed there was a respectful fear of the first dorm parent, but a hateful fear for the other. The boys in the first dorm parent’s room loved her and were in good order. But the boys in the second dorm parent’s room got into even more trouble despite the angry punishments that were inflicted on them. The rooms were a clear contrast between loving discipline and fearful punishment. Methods of correction matter much less than the heart behind them. It’s often clear to kids whether the person correcting them is doing it out of love (discipline) or out of other motives (punishment).
God’s discipline is never done out of revenge or offense or angry frustration. God’s discipline is always out of love for His people. God disciplines us to reveal to us that we are made to be better and to give us the conviction to not continue in sin.
Next time you need to correct someone check yourself and make sure your motives are love and not anger or frustration. You’ll see a world of difference as you discipline out of love. And you’ll experience the Father’s heart in a deeper way.
