When It’s Time to Move On
I think one of the hardest things to do is to know when to move on from an unhealthy friendship or a difficult ministry relationship. Christians are taught to “leave the 99 for the one lost sheep” and to love those who don’t love back and to keep a persistent, unfailing love. The sad thing is that because of such good intentions and never-quit attitude, many well meaning Christians get consumed and run over by certain difficult people while completely missing all the other more open people who would respond so much better to their love and to the Gospel.
I’ve been reading “Purpose Driven Church” by Rick Warren and, in my opinion, it is definitely a must read for pastors/ministers. In one chapter Rick Warren shares a lot about fishing and the parallels between how to be a successful fisherman and how to successfully reach people. One important thing to know when fishing is that fish feed in different spots at different times of the day. They also aren’t hungry all the time. Jesus was very specific in His instruction for his disciples, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet” (Matthew 10:14, NIV). Rick Warren mentioned how when he was young and would join other pastors on evangelistic crusades, he would find these pastors going back to the same stubborn people rather than reaching out to new people. He questioned the stewardship of badgering someone who hadn’t accepted Christ for a dozen times when there is a whole community of people receptive to receiving the Gospel the first time around (Purpose Driven Church, p187-188).
I feel this extends to house church/small group ministry. I have discipled a number of people in my life and there were a few people that really drained me. I kept trying to help them, encourage them, and direct them, but they continually rejected my advice, continually rebelled, and continually wore me out. I thought I was being a good shepherd/Christian by never giving up on them, but the truth was that I was wearing myself out, not having any good effect, and unknowingly neglecting many other people who I could have been helping instead. While I am called to be a good shepherd and leave the 99 for the 1, if the 1 doesn’t want to return then it isn’t my responsibility to keep forcing that person back. The prodigal son’s father is known to represent God’s father heart, especially as the father runs to his returning prodigal son and hugs him. But this same loving father also let his son go, knowing his son’s intentions were not healthy. The loving father didn’t box him in, badger him, or follow him. He let him go.
Knowing when to move on indeed requires discernment. Some people require a lot of time because they need more love before they can respond in a healthy way. But when they are continually unresponsive or even rebellious, then that usually means it is time to leave and to reach out to others. I would be a horrible volunteer at the orphanage if I were to continually focus only on one or two really difficult kids while neglecting the other 58. I think a number of Christians need to let go of any guilt they might have and understand the Spirit of God moves like the wind (John 3:8), and so rarely will God have us focusing on the same tough cases for a very extended time. I’ve also found that some of the people I’ve been led to move on from became receptive years later. When I was led to reconnect with them I found ministering to them so much more smooth and blessed.
God is indeed the author and the perfecter. His timing and His leading are right. Life is a lot more fun and exciting when being led by His Spirit, rather than being stuck out of guilt. I’m also so much more encouraged when I keep sight of all the receptive people around me rather than just focusing all my attention and thoughts on the difficult cases. God is always moving, so even when we are in a season of discipling or reaching out to some less responsive people there will still be others in our life that we can draw encouragement from.
