Dating – Figuring Out Who You Match Up With

Here is some very simple advice for those who don’t know what they want in a spouse – Consider the different people of the opposite sex that you have worked with, served with, studied with, gone on study abroad/mission trips with, and consider which people you genuinely enjoyed serving/working with. What was it about those specific people that you enjoyed? Identifying the attributes/personalities that you enjoyed working well with will help you identify what type of person you would match up well with.

For me, I led multiple mission trips and Bible studies while in college. Some of my past co-leaders were really strong in their faith and great leaders and we did great together, but I viewed my time with them simply as work/ministry and I didn’t have a lot of excitement serving with them. Some of my other past co-leaders were a bit more loose and fun, while still being responsible and affirming. They weren’t as strong spiritually or as charismatic in their leadership, but they made me feel relaxed and free to joke. Some of them were great at serving in the background. Others weren’t so great at serving, but were great with words of affirmation. I learned that while I appreciated the service, the words meant more to me. While I appreciated a super spiritual leader, I felt more joy with someone I could be relaxed and laugh with. While I appreciated a leader with charisma, I felt much more secure and strong as a leader when I was leading and my co-leader was affirming and supporting me.

Looks are overrated. If you’re pursuing someone solely because of their looks, then you’re acting like a fool. Looks age rather quickly. Personalities last a lifetime. TV and movies have thrust all these “beautiful” people in our faces so much that people are brainwashed that they must be strongly physically attracted to their spouse. Movies/TV tend to emphasize crazy romances between two very attractive people that usually escalate to sex that night or soon to a quick wild wedding. What these dramas don’t show are the fifty years after the wedding. These dramas don’t show that every couple, no matter how perfect/God-ordained they might be, endures conflict. These dramas don’t show the day after day after day of marriage after the honeymoon season has ended. If your personality and your spouse’s personality don’t mesh well, then marriage can be boring, taxing, and even torturous. But if the personalities really do mesh well and the attraction was based more on appreciating each other’s character and attributes rather than just their looks, then marriage is so much fun! For many people, once they truly appreciate the character/personality of the other person, physical attraction grows. This physical attraction is the attraction that lasts beyond the 30’s, the 40’s, the 50’s, and on and on. It’s an attraction not based on temporary looks, but rather based on a lasting personality.

Last year I blogged about dating your friends. That’s a good read, especially if this post made some sense to you.